Every workplace will, at some point, be affected by grief. An employee loses a parent, grandparent, pet or friend. They take compassionate leave and, before long, they’re back at work.

But while workplace policies can determine when someone’s leave is over, they can’t determine how long their grief lasts, or how it affects their work.

“Grief is incredibly variable,” says Dr Kelly Gough, president of the Australian Psychological Society and a clinical psychologist.

“People experience it differently. It lasts for different lengths of time, and it can involve profound sadness, anxiety, anger, regret and guilt – depending on the individual and circumstances.”

According to Griefline, more than 1.6 million Australians experience grief every year, with grief defined as “the natural response to losing someone or something important.”

Although it is most commonly associated with death, Gough says significant life changes can also trigger a grieving process, and the impact can be just as profound.

“People can experience grief after a big relationship break-up, or losing their health, independence or ability to do things they once could,” he says. “I see that regularly in people returning to work after a major injury or illness. They’re grieving the life they once had.”

Importantly, Gough says, people shouldn’t make assumptions about whether someone’s grief is warranted or not – because it’s impossible to know what the loss meant to them.

“Pets are a good example,” he says. “Pets can be enormously important in people’s lives, yet many people feel embarrassed to talk about that grief because they worry others won’t understand.

“But grief is grief. The significance of the loss isn’t determined by what is lost – it’s determined by what it meant to that individual.”

Given how prevalent grief is in our lives, the support we receive in the workplace after a loss can make a real difference to how we process it. We spoke to Dr Gough about the different ways grief can affect employees, and what managers can do to help them feel seen and supported.

The effects of grief on employees and workplaces

Under the Fair Work Act 2009, employees are entitled to two days of compassionate leave when an immediate family or household member dies or develops a life-threatening illness or injury, or in cases of stillbirth or miscarriage. 

While these provisions provide a minimum entitlement, grief rarely fits neatly within those defined circumstances – or that timeframe.

“I’ve yet to meet anyone who has gotten over a bereavement in two days,” says Gough. “Grief doesn’t switch off when someone walks through the office door. In most cases, people are still processing and trying to make sense of what’s happened while also trying to do their job.”

For leaders and managers, recognising the signs of grief at work is an important first step in providing meaningful support.

Gough says grief can affect everything from an employee’s productivity and concentration to their relationships with colleagues.

“Someone who’s grieving is probably going to be less productive for a while,” he says. “They may seem more distracted, find it harder to focus on tasks or feel more emotionally fragile than they usually would. That doesn’t mean they care less about their work. It simply reflects the enormous emotional load they’re carrying.

“Grief can affect relationships at work as well. Colleagues often don’t know what to say, so they avoid saying anything at all. At the same time, the person who’s grieving may seem withdrawn or less engaged because they’re putting so much energy into simply getting through the day.”

He adds that grief can take a physical toll, making everyday tasks at work even harder.

“Your body is overloaded with stress hormones, your sleep is disrupted, your metabolism changes, and you’re more likely to become unwell,” he says. “When someone is grieving, they’re often trying to function while their body is under an enormous amount of stress.”

It’s important to remember that grief affects everyone differently, Gough says. Some employees may become quieter, while others become unusually irritable or more sensitive to feedback. Some may also start taking more time off or lose interest in work they would normally enjoy.

“Rather than looking for one particular sign, managers should pay attention to changes in an employee’s usual behaviour,” he says.

Here are Dr Gough’s recommendations for the best practical ways to support grieving employees

1. Acknowledge the loss – and don’t try to fix things

One of the biggest barriers to supporting a grieving employee is knowing what to say. Gough says many people tend to overthink the conversation, when what matters most is simply showing up.

“People often worry about saying the wrong thing, but you don’t need to have the perfect words,” he says.

“You don’t want to try to fix someone’s grief or lessen it. You simply want to acknowledge the person’s loss, be genuine in your care and give them permission to grieve.”

Importantly, he says, resist the urge to reach for well-meaning clichés or assume you know how someone is feeling.

“Don’t say things like, ‘I know exactly how you feel,’ or ‘Everything happens for a reason,’” he says. “Don’t try to minimise someone’s grief, because that might stop them from talking about what they’re going through. The best thing you can do is be present to where they are and what they need.”

2. Be deliberate in asking what support they need

Just as no two people experience grief in the same way, the support they need can also look very different.

Gough says rather than making assumptions, stay curious and let the employee guide the conversation about how they would like to be supported at work.

Rather than just saying ‘let us know if we can help in any way’, be deliberate in asking them how the organisation can help support them.

“Give them some agency,” he says. “Ask, ‘What do you think would be most helpful from us at the moment?’ At a time when so much feels out of their control, being able to make decisions about what support they need can make a real difference.”

“It’s also important to ask whether they’re comfortable with colleagues knowing what’s happened or whether they’d rather keep it private,” he adds. “Let them decide how much others know.”

In some cases, supporting a grieving employee may mean considering whether aspects of their role could unintentionally make their grief harder to manage. Talk to your employee about whether changes to their duties, if any, might make returning to work easier.

“Particularly in not-for-profits, employees may be supporting people who are experiencing circumstances similar to their own loss,” Gough says.

“If someone has lost a loved one to cancer and they work with cancer patients, for example, think about whether there are parts of the job they don’t have to do for a little while until they feel comfortable again, and ask the employee if that would be helpful.”

3. Offer flexibility

While compassionate leave provides an important starting point, some employees may need ongoing flexibility – whether that’s additional leave or temporary changes to how they work.

“Offering someone the ability to work from home, reduced workloads, changes to their regular hours or more flexibility in how and where they work can all be enormously helpful,” Gough says.

“It’s also important to remember this might not just be something you’re dealing with the first week they come back,” he adds.

“Three months later, it might be their wedding anniversary and they might need some support around that, which is why being alert to those signs and having those open conversations around needs is helpful.”

At the same time, it’s important not to assume every grieving employee will want to step back from work, Gough says. For some, it can provide structure and a break from the emotional intensity of life outside the workplace.

“Work might be the one place where they don’t have to think about their grief,” he says. “At home it’s everywhere, but at work they can put it aside for a while and just be their work self. Again, let them determine how much flexibility, if any, is needed.”

4. Keep checking in

Supporting a grieving employee isn’t a one-off conversation. While checking in when they first return to work is important, their needs may change over the weeks and months that follow. Creating an environment where employees feel comfortable coming back to ask for support can make all the difference.

“They might not know what their needs are in that first moment,” Gough says. “And that’s okay. Just knowing they have an open door means they feel safe to do their work now, and then they can come back next week and if they’re feeling low, say, ‘Actually, I think I need to take the afternoon off.’”

“Make it clear in conversations and emails that they can always ask for support – even if it’s weeks or months after they’ve returned to work.”

Gough adds that not every employee will feel comfortable talking about their grief to their manager, so it’s important they know who else they can turn to for support – whether that’s a trusted colleague or an Employee Assistance Program (EAP).

“The important thing is that employees know they don’t have to navigate their grief in the workplace alone,” he says.

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Ultimately, supporting someone through grief isn’t about having the perfect response or taking away their pain – it’s about helping them feel seen, supported and a little less alone.

“If everyone just gives them a bit of space and compassion, that’s probably the most important message,” Gough says.

“You can’t take away what happened. But if you can reduce the other stress in someone’s life and help them feel a little more in control and a little safer, you can reduce some of the impact.”

If someone in your team is experiencing grief or loss, external support is available:

• Australian Centre for Grief and Bereavement – Specialist grief counselling, education and support. Phone: 1300 664 786.
• Griefline – Free national grief and loss support service, including telephone support, online forums and resources. Phone: 1300 845 745.
• Beyond Blue – Grief and loss support – Information on coping with grief and access to 24/7 mental health support. Phone: 1300 22 4636.
• Lifeline Australia – 24/7 crisis support and suicide prevention. Phone: 13 11 14.
• The Compassionate Friends Australia – Peer support for families grieving the death of a child, sibling or grandchild, with groups across Australia. Phone 1300 064 068
• General practitioner (GP): A GP can assess your mental health and, if appropriate, prepare a Mental Health Treatment Plan, which provides access to Medicare-subsidised sessions with a psychologist or other eligible mental health professional.

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